Song in My Head: “You are Not Alone” by Michael Jackson
The other day something hilarious happened at work. I laughed and laughed. I couldn’t believe what had just happened. I went back into my office, still laughing to myself. I thought to myself, “I gotta tell somebody about this!” Then I had so much sadness rush over me. “Who can I tell?” As I have written before, I literally don’t have any friends. I did not have anyone to text or call. So, I texted my mom. She thought it was funny, but I felt the smile on my face disappear.
I am tired of feeling that way. Every day on my break at work, I call my mom. I live an hour away from work. My coworkers did not previously know me. They think I am talking to my boyfriend. Yes, really. When they ask me about my boyfriend or special someone, I tell them I don’t have one (with a coy smile). They think I am just super private. Would I love to have a boyfriend to call everyday at lunch? HECK YES!
So, thinking about it will not make it happen. Last week I found a group on Meetup.com and I went to the meeting. Its a common interest group. Did I find a boyfriend, fall magically in love and elope to Hawaii? NOPE. BUT! I felt really comfortable with 11 strangers.
Comfortable enough to contribute to the group. Let me explain why that is important. I am terribly shy. When I was a child, people in town thought something was wrong with me. Teachers in school would tell me, “I forgot you were there, you’re so quiet.” I would get feedback in college and graduate school about NOT contributing to group discussions. (They didn’t understand the anxiety I had going to class trying to plan something to say). So! For me to contribute to a group discussion with 11 strangers (albeit friendly strangers) is great.
I did not expect to come away with a BFF, but I hope maybe at the next meetings I can make a connection. If Mr. Right is not at the meeting (which he probably isn’t because the organizer is married with kids and the other men there were like 50+), maybe a future gal/guy pal is. Perhaps we will trade numbers and next time something hilarious at work occurs, I can text them. Fingers crossed.
